Worth It.

There are things in this world worth living for.

You just have to find them.

For me, it's the people in my life who have somehow gotten close to me. They've squeezed their way through my silence and my fears and they've burrowed their own little holes in my heart. My heart's like a little honeycomb filled with people who have yet to give up on me.

That really matters to me. They really matter to me.

And they keep me going. I put them in a to-do list in my mind and schedule seeing them for sometime in the middle and end of the week. That way I can ensure that I go through the motions, do what I'm suppose to do and then I am rewarded with their presence.

We do fun things. Laugh, loiter, become way too loud on public transportation as we talk about our exhausting day to day lives. And for that moment, I feel normal. Like I have things to say. Like I'm worthwhile.

And we eat delicious foods and I feel full. It's not just the food that makes me feel this way. When I go home and I prepare for bed and I think and worry and wonder, they are part of my thoughts, pushing away the gray, at least momentarily. And this feels good. I sleep.

And then I wake up, knowing there are things in this world worth living for.