Thoughts at 11:13am

Wondering. Dreaming. I'm sighing turbulent clouds of change. They are settling on my shoulders, ruffling my hair. Forcing me to move. I want to. I need to. These feet are not stuck. They are sprinting along a path I'm trying to reach the end of. There's a light there. I can feel it. It's warm and then blazing. My shoulders ache. My soul hurts. I'm free falling and spinning and dancing with the chaos. This is not frightening, but beautiful. I feel free, even as I stumble. I feel graceful even as I trip over my own feet. This life, oh god this life. What is my purpose in it? It's a mystery. Twine and ribbons that I'm unravelling from my body. I'm trying to reach the present within. This present. And I'll keep stripping myself down until I find it. I am unafraid. Unafraid. Unafraid. 

Early Morning Musings

Lately, I've taken to Instagram to share some of the early morning poetry that comes into my head. It's been a really cathartic experience for me. I allow my sleepy mind to settle and flow and whatever comes, comes. It doesn't matter if it's perfect. It only matters that it's my words and emotions.   

Everyone should have a ritual in the morning that helps make their life a bit more beautiful. Sometimes there is so much chaos in the day, it distracts you from the beauty and the gift of simply being alive. There's so many moments that I forget how lucky I am. But these morning musings help me to center myself. I feel a bit more receptive to the beauty in my life and I share it with others. 

I will share some of my favorite early morning poetry pieces here. :@) 

You can also follow me on Instagram by the way. My name is Loloroxxx (check me out!). 

(I felt very romantic today. Perhaps it's because of the blue skies and the soft clouds). 

(There's something about the moon and the night that intrigues me. I love the nighttime). 

(I see a pattern with my early morning poetry. The sky is a beautiful mystery to me. I embrace it). 

I hope you've enjoyed the poems that I've shared here today. I'll be sure to share more in the future! 

Art as Release.

Lately I've discovered the wonderful feeling of expressing myself through painting. I'm a writer, I've always loved the written word. There's something cathartic about taking a pen to paper or even the rhythmic sound of the keyboard tapping under your fingertips and watching words come to life on the page or screen. I love the books and their ability to weave words and worlds. It's my first love. 

But lately, while writing I've had a desire to try something new to exercise my brain and help my creativity flow. So I took a brush to canvas. And I fell in love. I'm no Picasso by any means. But creating a visual image with the colors available to me gives me a sense of pride that I find to be really powerful. And the act of brushing along the canvas, creating lines and shapes and making something coherent or emotional moving with the direction my brush is gliding on the surface is exhilarating. I look at each piece I've made with great pride. It's a happy experience. I'm gonna share some of the paintings I've made right here with you! 

I did Van Gogh's "Starry Night" for my older sister. She wanted a triptych painting (which is a three part painting) so this is part one. 

And here's part two: my "Starry Night Cityscape". 

And here's part three: my "Starry Tree". 

What do you think? Personally I love them and I'm proud of my creations. I'll definitely be doing more in the future. I feel like they are beautiful pieces of me painted onto canvas. They make me happy. 

A Different Kind of Day

I woke up this morning to the red burst up sunrise stretching over the horizon. I watched it change from crimson to gold and felt my spirit lift, as if dawn had chased away the fog of sadness obscuring my mind. April has come. It's time to put away my mourning. Gray days will come, that is inevitable but at this moment I feel closer to happiness. 

I chose a shirt of dark shades, lightening into a color more springlike and beautiful. It reflects the ascent of my spirit as I face a new day with fragile tendrils of hope. 

I'm waiting for the flowers to bloom. Meanwhile I'll plant seeds in my mind. They will be reminders that rainy days always bring something fruitful in the end, something beautiful and thriving; something that carries within it remnants of sunshine.