A New Year. A New Day

A week into the new year and a day past my birthday and suddenly it truly feels like a new year to me. I don't feel older, I just feel more aware of who I am and the time I've been given. That time is right now. No more. No less. Everything else is a memory or speculation. Understanding this I realize that my goals are a day to day process. Everyday has to be lived with as much passion and purpose as I feel I can give because today is the only day that matters. In that way, I can actually feel like I've given it my all. 

December 31, 2013 my emotions were in such a state of conflict that I couldn't even write them down. Where had the year gone? What had I accomplished? What could I be proud of? I felt useless. I felt like a failure. I knew I hadn't given it my all and I would be entering the new year with feelings of regret and remorse. I didn't want that. So I started to think of New Years resolutions. But even as I wrote them out they felt hollow to me. They were just words. Promises already waiting to be broken. Lose weight. Be kinder. Travel the world. They sounded like commands and felt harsh to my ears. It was as if I were forcing myself to change, like I was ashamed of who I was at the moment. 

But that's not true. 

I had experienced a lot in 2013 that I will forever be grateful for. And even though I felt there was so much more I had to accomplish I needed to express myself in a way that showed this gratitude and a desire to be a better me. So I began to look at the day to day. Of course I want to be healthier, kinder and wiser. Of course I would love to have new amazing experiences and adventures. But how do I go about such grand ideas? 

I go about it like this: day by day. Hour by hour. My life is in the present and that is how I will live. 

So today I eat a healthier option. I smile more. I wake up thankful (if not cheerful). I work to the best of my ability. I write with purpose and desire. I exercise with all of my body. I love with all of my heart. Live with my eyes wide open, receptive and aware. This is all I can do. This is all I can be, the best of me one day at a time.