Burden for the Sake of Love

Nobody's perfect. It's something that we tell each other over and over again, reminding the people in our lives that to err is to be human. We make mistakes. We falter. We fall. We worry and stress and we struggle. And many of us do this alone. We keep our problems inside, believing that to let them out or to share our feelings will do no good. Or maybe we are afraid of people seeing a part of us that may be less perfect than the persona we put forth. Many of us find it safer to deal with our burdens by ourselves. But in love, what was once solitary is no longer. That includes our feelings. 

Recently I realized that in a relationship, my worries and fears were no longer just my own. It became the problems and worries of the person I was in a relationship with. It bothered me, seeing that my problems spilled over into his. I'm essentially a solitary person. I deal with my worries as I've always had. Alone. And yet here was this other person asking me to let it go, let it out and talk. And when I refused, believing that this was the right way to handle things, I'd see the hurt on his face and know that it wasn't. It wasn't. So I'd talk and cry and feel very exposed and vulnerable. And he would reassure and gently offer solutions or advice. Or he would just listen because that's maybe all I needed at that moment, an ear to soak in the anxiety plaguing me at night. and I would feel a little sadness bloom in my heart because I've just done something I didn't want to do. I've burdened him. 

But let's switch this around. Let's say I was paying him a visit and I noticed that he seemed withdrawn, sad, distant. Maybe he was talking less or when he did respond it would be with impatience in his voice. I'd wonder what was wrong. I'd want to know. I'd ask him and maybe he would say it was nothing but I would know otherwise. So I'd give him a little space. But in truth I'd be waiting for him to talk. I'd want him to let me in and talk to me about what's bothering him. And if he did I would comfort him and reassure him and offer some advice or a solution if I could. I would listen if that was all that was needed, just so he can get these feelings off his chest. I would willingly accept his burden, that emotional weight that he has been carrying with him. And the reason I would is simple. 

I love him. And because I love him I am willing to accept some of the weight of his burden. When I think about it in those terms I realize that the reason we allow the people we care about to vent or to cry on our shoulders is because we love them. And allowing them to let go is a way of showing them that we accept that they are not perfect, that they falter; and we offer our arms, our shoulders, our ears, our hearts in support. This is something we do willingly, not because we are forced (though if you are being forced to be a receptacle for all of those powerful emotions or if venting also coincides with emotional/physical or any other kind of abuse then there is something very damaging happening in that relationship and I would advise you to seek help).

It is like the sculpture of Atlas, holding the world on his shoulders. We can see how the weight of the world burdens him and yet he doesn't drop it. The world is beautiful. The world is filled with some much to love. It is worth the weight and the struggle. And so he keeps holding on. 

That is the nature of loving another. You are each other's wings. You keep them from falling. You are the shoulders that carry their weight. And they are yours. Together you find balance and all that may try to bring you down, is lifted up.