Tears in the Dark

I don't think it's weird to cry alone in the darkness of your room. I don't think it's weird at all. I did it. Last night in fact. And I'll say one thing, sometimes living this life requires a few tears, even if the only person present to wipe those tears away is you. 

Last night I cried until I exhausted myself. I felt lonely and tired and sick of being lonely and tired even though I had just enjoyed a wonderful day with a good friend. I felt lonely because that wonderful day couldn't last forever. I felt tired because the loneliness is not a new thing. Now, this kind of lonely isn't the result of having no friends or family. I'm lucky enough to have befriended and been born alongside a group of really amazing, talented, kind-hearted, beautiful people. I felt lonely because...well just because. 

No. That isn't good enough. 

I felt lonely because even though I'm smiling and laughing and having a great time, the night always leaves me with just my thoughts for company.  

And my thoughts suck. 

Especially when it turns to the general direction my life has taken and the offerings I, as an adult human being, is able to give the world. My thoughts can be downright cruel. Even a a bit exaggerating but that doesn't stop it from rattling away. And I felt a loneliness settle within me when I realized there is no one to talk to about this... No one who would gladly listen for free at least. And so here I am in my room, with my shitty, mean-spirited thoughts for company. And I'm looking at my vision boards and the notes I wrote in the time of yesteryear and I feel tragically unfulfilled and old and pretty useless. And I haven't washed the makeup off my face yet and it's past 11 at night and I kinda wanna write a really pathetic status on Facebook but honestly what good would that do so I put away my hopefulness from yesteryear and I drag my sobbing body to the light switch, cut it off and collapse on my bed. My tears were multifaceted, with no real purpose except to engage in the act of releasing themselves. I let them go. 

And I cry for a bit, relishing in all that overwhelms me; feeling incredibly sorry for myself. And then, eventually my tears stop. I'm left in the darkness with eyes wide open and only my breath to guide me. I'm waiting for something to happen, for a ray of moonlight to touch my face like God's own ever-loving presence. 

I turn to the window. The moon is out. It is only concerned with its own haunting glow. But I look at it and I feel better. I wipe my tear-crusted face. I sit up. There is no sound in the darkness save for my own breathing. My own steady breathing. The world hasn't ended. My sobs haven't brought about Armageddon. 

 I don't feel great. But I don't feel as bad as I did when I originally started crying. So I just sit there. Alone. A little lonely. And I get up, wash my face, brush my teeth and head for bed.   

It's past 1 in the morning. My sleep is deep and dreamless. 

This Morning

I woke up this morning to the rising sun radiating a deep, warm gold on the water. I was so moved by the sight that I didn't even think to take a photo. I woke up earlier than my alarm and didn't feel tired. I felt alive. And safe. And I realized that I was witnessing a moment that I take for granted far too often.

Usually I wake up in such a state of disrepair and exhaustion that I barely have the will to look around me. I get ready and leave the house without a second glance. I go through the motions of the day as if I were a wind up doll. 

I mimic the act of living. 

But today...

Today I felt something stir within me. I looked out at the waters and the sunrise and the sky shining such a pure blue and I felt thankful that I lived to see a morning such as this. It was beautiful. I wish to have more mornings like this. 

Project Parks- Sunset Park

If you're resident of Brooklyn, Ny or you just love visiting the borough, you've probably been to Prospect Park at least once (I'll be covering Prospect Park at a later date). It's right next to the central Brooklyn Public Library, and close to the Brooklyn Museum so what's not to love? However, there are other parks in BK that have their own special charm. One of them is a neat little patch of green called Sunset Park. Located at 44th street and 6th avenue, the N or R trains to 45th street will take you here.

Nestled in a neighborhood filled with diversity, Sunset Park offers a nice reprieve from the shops, restaurants and busy, crowded energy that the area provides. It looks unassuming from the outside but don't let that fool you. Once inside you are met with a series of pathways. Whichever one you choose will take you on a nice little stroll past picnickers, children playing, and bike riders. It's really a lovely experience.

If you choose to visit now, you'll see cherry blossoms still in bloom. I got a chance to admire the soft pink colors today. The way they contrasted with green leaves of the trees next to them was a beautiful sight. I love spring!

While walking I came across an artist, sketching the portrait of an old tree. Children nearby stopped and watched her while she drew the likeness of the trunk with quick, precise strokes of her pencil. She seemed unfazed by all the attention, choosing instead to immerse herself in her work. I love it when people are able to find art and beauty in everyday things. This tree is definitely quite distinguishing in its own way.

This park may not be the most well known in Brooklyn, but it definitely offers one of the most attractive features that the borough has to offer; a beautiful view of the Manhattan skyline.

Because of the park's high vantage point, you can also look out and enjoy a view that most people would envy. Walk a little farther up on the paths and you can even see the faint image of the Statue of Liberty as well as Staten Island and New Jersey. 

It's a nice place to come and enjoy a picnic or just to walk and see the sights. I'm glad I made the trip and visited this park. I'm sure as its name implies, that it must have spectacular views at sunset. However a daytime visit was really quite beautiful and a perfect way to spend this lovely spring day.