Rain

Today all I can feel is the phantom presence of rain. The air is colder, cleaner and I'm waiting for it to come. I'll watch it through the window and as always, try to work up the nerve to just run out there and let it drown me out completely. Sometimes I feel all that I am is ink, blood and water. All I need is the rain to deconstruct me, wash me away.

Weariness

I am tangled between frailty and falling. My nights feel chopped and unfulfilled. My sleep is fragile, suspended in cobwebs, easily ripped and left to the flight of the wind. I think…I’m forgetting how to dream. I’ve forgotten how to close my eyes and wander.  Words cling to me and I shove them off. They anger me, the frighten me...I don't want to disappoint them.  I need time to rest, I need time to think. But everything is just so disjointed. I barely know if this is the beginning of something or the end. It’s all such chaos.

And then I think about chaos, and I see fire and rock. I see the formation of something beautiful within the disorder. And I’m squinting, trying to stay focused, trying to keep this image within me. My eyes are weary. I’m just so tired.