Edge

So you're standing there right? Along the the balcony, right along where the fence forms. It is foggy out. You can barely see the building across from you. But you're not afraid. You won't run inside. You're standing there. You're still. The wind is sweeping. And even though you're not moving and inch you feel as if you're flying. It's powerful, this feeling. You close your eyes. The wind whips back and forth, you feel your body sway with it. It sweeps through your clothes. It feels like it's moving through you. You take a minute to inhale this deep, strong fulfilling breath. You let it out and it flies away. For a second, you think, chaos but you see order in its freedom.

Here near the edge you can piece together the puzzle of this world.

Just...Breathe.

You know, I've been told breathing helps. During moments like these I've been told it's important to remember your breaths, to remember where they orginate, to follow them out and back in. It's suppose to be relaxing. So I breathe in, note that it feels as if a ball of air is trapped between my chest, warm as if its been through fire. It throbs. I hold it. I breathe out. I find the escape sweet. I can feel my heart. I can feel my lungs expand and contract. I'm wonder if this is the physical sensation of "calm". I quickly toss it from my mind. I focus back to breathing.

I want to imagine that my breaths are shells, closed  and swimming inside the space of my lungs until they are released and they open and within them are pearls and each of those beautiful pearls are something I've let go. Something I've given back to the world. I'd like to think that I've made something beautiful for once.

I'm breathing. The thoughts are dulling, I feel my body growing still. Is this it? Is this the way we are meant to be?

This helps. This helps.